Listening and validating feelings
Catharsis," he continues, "basically requires an understanding listener who is observant to the cathartic need cues and clues.
People who need catharsis will often give verbal and non-verbal cues, and good listeners will be sensitive enough to recognize them.
It is usually sufficient to let the speaker know, "I understand you and I am interested in being a resource to help you resolve this problem." While this article focuses on mediation, it should be apparent that empathic listening is a core skill that will strengthen the interpersonal effectiveness of individuals in many aspects of their professional and personal lives. Parties to unassisted negotiations -- those that do not involve a mediator -- can often function as their own mediator and increase their negotiating effectiveness through the use of empathy.
Through the use of skilled listening these "mediational negotiators" can control the negotiation by their: Before a mediator can expect to obtain clear and accurate information about the conflict from a party who is emotionally distraught, it is necessary to enable that party to engage in a cathartic process, according to Lyman S.
We all go through our daily lives engaging in many conversations with friends, co-workers, and our family members. An I-message lets the person know what you feel and why — for example, “I know you have a lot to say, but I need to. Consequences Part of the feedback may involve talking about the possible consequences of inaction. Quick reassurance, saying things like, “Don’t worry about that.” 3.
But most of the time, we don’t listen as well as we could or sometimes should. Take your cues from what the person is saying — for example, “What happened the last time you stopped taking the medicine your doctor prescribed? Advising — “I think the best thing for you is to move to assisted living.” 4.
In so doing, the listener encourages the speaker to fully express herself or himself free of interruption, criticism or being told what to do.
It is neither advisable nor necessary for a mediator to agree with the speaker, even when asked to do so.
Leading Questions For example, “Would you like to talk about it? When the final session ended, the leader of the community organization bolted across the floor, clasped the mediator's hand and thanked him for being "different from the others." William Simkin, former director of the Federal Mediation and Conciliation Service and one of the first practitioners to write in depth about the mediation process, noted in 1971 that "understanding has limited utility unless the mediator can somehow convey to the parties the fact that [the mediator] knows the essence of the problem.At that point," he said, "and only then, can (the mediator) expect to be accorded confidence and respect." Simkin was writing about more than the need to understand and project an understanding of the facts.After weeks of protest activity, the parties agreed to mediation.In the end, the public officials prevailed and the aggrieved community got little relief.
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Open-ended Questions Use open-ended questions to expand the discussion — for example, lead with: “How?